Five Life Lessons from the First Year of My 30s

Every year around my birthday, I always take some time to sit and reflect on the last year of my life. I try to see what lessons I can learn from things that I have gone through, and move into the next year with intention. Last year, I posted an article about what turning 30 means to me and what I had learned so far.

Although I am only a year into my 30s, I truly feel as if I have learned, grown and evolved so much already. This past year’s theme has been about loyalty, genuine friendship, and being more conscious about where I put my energy.

Here are some of the major lessons I’ve learned so far this past year:

Choose your friends wisely

This seems pretty simple and self explanatory, but is not so easy in practice. Over the course of your life, you will come into contact with many different people in many different settings. As you get older, you start to have different priorities when it comes to friendships, and naturally start to crave more genuine connections with people, whose interests are aligned with yours as well.

I typically seek out friends that love to travel, have a creative side, are ambitious and have a positive, optimistic view on life. I personally do not care for partying and going out anymore (or drinking), so I am not looking for friends whose only interests are doing that. I also don’t choose my friendships based on looks, which can easily lead you to creating shallow, fake friendships.

Take your time to observe people

Even after the initial “attraction” or first impression with a new friend, it takes time to truly get to know them. Where this has been problematic for me is when I pour way too much energy and effort into a friendship early on, and then later grow to resent how one-sided the friendship is and feel taken advantage of.

Although there is no way to ever be 100% sure of how someone will treat you in the long run, it is wise to have an “observation period” at the beginning of any new friendship or relationship. This allows you to see how this person shows up for you naturally, before fully investing your time and energy.

Now, that doesn’t mean you should sit back and let them do all the work, but maybe give 50-60% of what you might normally put in and see how they respond or show up on their own. Being more observant early on would have saved me from a lot of struggle in some of my past friendships and relationships!

I am naturally a very giving, loving and trusting person, but I am learning to navigate how to protect my energy without putting my guard all the way up and being cold or closed off. I want to be true to my nature and attract people that appreciate me for who I am without taking advantage of me.

Don’t take things personally

This might sound counterintuitive after the last lesson, but let me explain. As a therapist, I can tell you with certainty that everyone is just playing out and repeating (often unhealthy) patterns they learned in childhood. People can only show up for others as much as they can show up for themselves, and how they treat you is more a reflection of them than you.

That being said, an explanation for someone’s behavior is never an excuse. I believe that no matter what anyone has been through, they are ultimately responsible for what they say and do to others. If someone is not showing up for you how you want (or being abusive), you have every right to say “hey, I have compassion and empathy for you, but I don’t tolerate this kind of treatment and have no place in my life for this friendship/relationship.”

Spend time dating/getting to know yourself

This is nothing new for me, but has definitely become more relevant this past year. I have been a loner my entire life and learned to enjoy my own company along the way, going on countless solo trips, meals and outings and spending hours upon hours by myself. I refuse to wait for someone else to do things I want to do, and I truly enjoy the peacefulness of being alone.

I made a conscious decision to not date anyone for a while, right after my birthday last year, and didn’t even start talking to anyone until a few weeks ago. Most people will say they are single, but stil have someone to chat with or a “sneaky link” as a backup. I have been single for over four years now, but this past year is the most single I have ever been – I did not entertain anyone but myself!

I am grateful that I have a strong enough sense of self to be comfortable with being fully alone like that, and I believe it has set me up to reenter the dating world with more clarity about my priorities. I also finally realized for the first time how I may have contributed to past negative dating experiences, by allowing certain behavior that I did not like. With that insight, I can now navigate dating more clearly and trust my intuition earlier on, to avoid further frustration and harm.

Trust that things will work out in the end

At the end of 2021 – about 5 months after my 30th birthday – I dealt with some pretty messy friend breakups that put things into perspective for me. I am grateful that the universe removed these people from my life, because they both were using me for my good energy, friendship and connections but giving very little or nothing in return.

It can be extremely disheartening and difficult to deal with drama and friendships or relationships that fall apart, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we can’t see the bigger picture or understand the plan that the universe has for us until later on. In the moment, it helps me to remind myself that there IS a bigger plan, and that everything will fall in place as it’s meant to.

Walking away from friendships and relationships that don’t serve you may be difficult, but there is so much peace that comes from removing people and energy that isn’t serving you. Even more importantly, when you clear that space, it makes room for the people and opportunities that serve you better!

---

If you enjoyed this blog post, check out some of my other articles in the “Life Lessons & Reflections” category! Leave a comment letting me know what lessons you have learned in your 30s, or if anything in this article resonated with you ✨