Even though I already turned 30 a few weeks ago, I have been reflecting on what changes I have noticed since then. I have felt “older than my age” my whole life, and have DEFINITELY been sick of being in my 20s for a few years now, but I feel like there were subtle shifts that happened the week of my birthday.
First of all, I am SUPER excited that I can now proudly say I am 30! Not 28, not 29, but THIRTY! I can now participate in 30+ Twitter threads, give a very valid excuse to boys in their 20s as to why I cannot date them, and also appreciate the shock value after telling my age to people who think I am much younger!
What excites me the most is how I am finally able to apply some of the lessons I learned throughout my 20s, namely how to create boundaries and protect my energy. This is something I have been working on and implementing pretty successfully for a long time now, but I have finally gotten to the point where I refuse to tolerate ANY bullshit from ANY one, and feel more bold now about communicating those boundaries to people.
The week leading up to and following my birthday, I did a lot of reflecting about the people in my life and the energy I give to those relationships. Honestly, I spent a lot of time crying too! The most common theme in my life when it comes to relationships is feeling like I give too much and don’t get the same energy back. Of course that is not something I want to carry into a new decade – a new chapter of my life – and need to figure out how to change that.
My therapist recommended spending more time observing what energy people to give to me in my relationships and moving according to that, versus giving all my energy at the jump, only to be disappointed later. I don’t like the idea of having to scale back my energy and love in order to “stoop to their level”, but what I have been doing only leads me to be sad and frustrated, so it’s time for something different.
I also feel like what I have been doing with dating has not been working, and am eager to try something different. Because of how laid back I am, I have always been comfortable with the idea of having a casual “situationship” with men, where sex is involved, but so is the ability to just hang out and chill and get along without having it be a serious relationship. Unfortunately, most men interpret those “situationships” as not deserving of basic respect – either to me or my time – and that is not something that I find acceptable. I value myself too highly to allow that!
Sadly, I have given too much energy to men that I hoped would be on the same page and were in an entirely different book. I ultimately DO want to be in a serious relationship – ideally one that would lead to marriage – but I am feeling less and less hopeful that I will find “the one”. At this point, it seems like the best course of action is to stop seeking altogether, stop talking to men that I KNOW are not “the one”, and just focus on myself until that person comes along. I just need ONE!!
I also have some pretty big and exciting plans for the future: I am planning on moving to Miami in January 2023, aka Jordan year part two. Most of my friends and IG followers already know this because I talk about it ALL the time, and nobody is surprised by TropicAlana moving to Miami! I could not be more excited for that chapter, which I think will be my best one yet. I wish I could move sooner, but have several reasons why I need to wait, so I am just going to make the most of the rest of this chapter.
For those that are in the 30+ club, did you feel any different when you turned 30? What changes have you seen since then? If you are in your 20s, what are your feelings about turning 30, and what would you like to accomplish before then? Leave a comment below!
All photos by Will Power Photos
I loved this! I’m 28 and I am excited about the presents that my 30s will gift me. I still have a lot of loose ends that I would like to tie up before reaching that milestone, especially launching a nonprofit with my brother, but I am excited for the destination and the journey!
You have so much time! You can do a LOT in two years, trust me! That’s great that you have something you are working toward and are feeling optimistic about the future. I wish you the best of luck 🙂