Everyone talks about being high maintenance as a bad thing, and it is something I think most of us – especially women – have internalized. I always prided myself on being low maintenance: go with the flow, not fussy, easy going, etc. For a long time, I believed that those things were necessary in order to be likeable, as well as enjoy my own life. As I get older and get closer to turning 30 this year, I have started to notice different areas of my life where I am more “high maintenance”, and I am not just ok with it, I think it’s a good thing!
Let me clarify – more importantly than anything, I am the one maintaining myself, so can’t nobody tell me what’s too high maintenance in the first place! Second, I have realized that a lot of what we consider “high maintenance” in a bad way is just people judging others and what they choose to do with their money, energy and overall life. I am going to break down my analysis of my new “high maintenance” personality and lifestyle by category, so you understand what I mean!
Money
Like a lot of people, I grew up with money having a very negative connotation – it was never enough of it! Growing up with a scarcity mindset will really mess you up later in life, especially because we don’t learn how to manage money in school, and that kind of mindset is very hard to unlearn as an adult!
I grew up with a Moroccan dad who is quite literally the most frugal person I have ever met – I am talking someone who complains about things being too expensive at the dollar store – and a mother who is on the polar opposite end of the spectrum. She used to take me on occasional shopping sprees and recklessly spend HUNDREDS of dollars in one trip, on stuff we then had to hide from my dad when we got home! (She will deny all of this though so don’t even ask her LOL).
You can imagine how confused I was about money growing up! I was like “spend as little as possible, got it”, but also “spend everything you have when you touch money”. No wonder I grew up being like “???” when it came to money!
I also went to school with richhhh ass kids, and coming from a very lower middle class family and not being able to afford those things, I always felt like I had less. That led to a lot of negative reactions, such as constant jealousy and feelings of being inferior/left out, and even really bad things like shoplifting to make up the difference and “catch up”.
Fast forward to a bit later in life – end of college through almost the end of my time in San Diego, aka the “hippie Alana” days – when I become EXTREMELY detached from materialism, and was what I considered to be my most “low maintenance” phase.
As far as clothing went, I only ever shopped at Forever 21 and other small low priced boutiques, seeking to spend the least amount possible. Any other item I wanted to purchase, I always made sure to find the cheapest version possible, often getting knockoffs and/or looking forever to find a discount. I am not gonna lie, I still do that sometimes (old habits die hard lol), but it was to the point where I pretty much wouldn’t buy the thing I wanted if I couldn’t get it cheaper than full price.
At the time – during college and especially my time in San Diego – I never had a full time job and thus no stable income. I always worked, but worked part time and more or less lived off student loans. I would get a huge chunk of money at the beginning of the semester, and have to budget it out for the next few months. Lemme tell you that budgeting is really not my strong suit AT ALL! The end result is that I would feel abundant in money for a couple weeks, then quickly return to that feeling of scarcity and anxiety about money for the next few months.
After moving back to DC, I decided I wanted to find a bit more stability when it came to money. Over the last few years, I have worked really hard to secure several full time jobs, save up a lot of money by living at home, get my first credit card and finally get my finances in order. I even read a super helpful book that taught me a LOT about money, which was super empowering and reassured me that I was better off than I thought!
Now that I have my own apartment, pay all my own bills and have decent credit, I feel like I am finally adulting! I no longer feel like I’m in a scarcity mindset when it comes to money. I actively pursue an abundance mindset, and truly feel as though it has paid off and helped me manifest more money! I also feel more inclined to splurge a little on quality items, such as the FULL PRICED, brand name Instant Pot I got at the beginning of this year.
I am still not one to go crazy spending money on super expensive things like designer bags (I don’t really get the appeal tbh and never have), but I certainly appreciate spending my well earned money on more expensive things that I truly want and DESERVE!
Just today, I finally got my tax return and splurged on this Marshall speaker, which I have been wanting since I used one in my hotel room at Arrive Phoenix a few weeks ago and absolutely fell in LOVE with both the sound and the aesthetic of it.
Music is SO important to me and I have never splurged on a nice speaker for my home. Seems silly to me now, but that’s how deeply ingrained my “training” is to save money and spend as little as possible on things! I am glad I have learned when it is worth spending more, and when it is smart to shop around and try to save money.
I also have noticed that there are certain things I am more willing to spend money on now to increase my comfort, convenience and/or quality of life. Something as small as buying chopped garlic instead of whole garlic – cuz cooking-obsessed as I am, I HATE peeling garlic – even though it costs more! Another example is spending money on a really good quality mattress and pillows, cuz nothing is more important than my sleep baybeeeee!
At the end of the day, money will always be a touchy topic for most people, even if they seem to have a lot. I just don’t ever want to go back to feeling desperately broke, and since I am NOT anymore, I might as well live a little!
Travel
This is a HUUUUGE area of change and improvement for me! I went from literally the most LOW maintenance traveler ever, to a self proclaimed boujee traveler, and I am not ashamed about it ONE BIT!
I started really traveling back in 2011 – on my first trip to Israel – and have since traveled all over the world, both alone and with others. I have done everything you can imagine to save money: stayed in hostels, stayed on people’s COUCHES, taken buses, hitchhiked, flown on planes that make Spirit look fancy, eaten super cheap and jenky makeshift meals, backpacked, CAMPED IN A TENT – the list goes on. Anything to cut corners and costs, no matter the inconvenience or discomfort!
As a solo traveler, I had to get even more crafty to save money – it is expensive as shit to stay at a hotel alone every night! Almost all of my solo travels involved some sort of hostel situation, and many meals made in the kitchen or in my room with stuff I got from the grocery store. I still do the cooking “at home” part on trips, but I am more likely to splurge on at least one meal a day during my trips now, and treat myself to a nice drink too!
Obviously my money saving ways enabled me to go on a lot of trips I might not have otherwise afforded, and led me to some VERY interesting experiences with plenty of stories to tell, but I always knew when I got older I would have less patience and tolerance for the discomfort and inconvenience of traveling that way, so it was better to do it while I didn’t mind.
And boy was I right – I will never stay in a hostel again! I will be the first to tell you that some hostels are NICE as fuck – I have stayed in some BEAUTIFUL ones that legit were nicer than most hotels – but no matter how nice and well decorated they are, you still have to share your room! You can pay for a private room at most hostels, but it kind of defeats the purpose because the private rooms end up costing almost as much as a hotel room.
I learned a lot about resourcefulness, but now I just feel like if I can pay to avoid struggle, then I will! I also realized that it was never really about not being able to afford to stay somewhere nicer, but more so about feeling like it was a “waste” of money, or that it was not really a priority to stay somewhere nice like that.
Now there are so many beautiful hotels everywhere that I find it super exciting to stay at one or more on each trip and get the full experience at each one, enjoying all the amenities they offer. Also, my priorities now include getting beautiful content on every trip, so staying at a nice hotel means built in opportunities to get some dope content! My last trip to Arizona was the perfect example of that – see this post for pictures.
I also use a credit card now that is connected to Delta and provides perks such as a free checked bag on every Delta flight. As someone that used to ONLY travel with a carry-on, that is a huge change for me! I love having plenty of space in my bag when I travel, whether it is to overpack (guilty) or have extra room to bring stuff back, it always feels nice to have that extra space! And I LOOOOVE not having to roll it around the airport!!!
I think everyone has different priorities when they travel, but I just know what is important to me now and I am willing to pay for the things that I enjoy the most and will make my trip the best experience for me!
Relationships
When it comes to relationships – platonic, romantic, etc – I have realized that it is actually a really good thing to be high maintenance. I have extremely high standards of how I want to be treated, because I treat everyone in my life so well and give everyone so much good energy, that I not only deserve to get that back, I NEED it.
I have spent so much of the last few years feeling sorely undervalued, underappreciated, and underloved by people in my life, and putting in extra energy to make myself feel loved. I absolutely believe that you HAVE to love yourself first and last no matter what, but it can feel extremely draining to be the only one pouring love and energy into yourself. Humans are social beings and we thrive on energy from all sources, including other people!
I have spent all of my adult life learning how to create boundaries to protect my energy and maintain a network of high vibrational beings to surround myself with, which has involved cutting off many friends and lovers/situationships that threatened that peace. I am at a point in my life where I must protect my energy at ALL costs!
For this reason, I simply see NO point in pursuing a friendship – let alone a relationship – with someone that does not match my energy and help lift me up even higher, and vice versa. I really have no time or energy for low vibe, small minded people! You are either leveling up with me or getting TF out my way!
If that makes me high maintenance, then so be it. I am SO not ashamed to say that I have high standards and won’t settle for anything less. At this point in my life, I know what I want, I know what I need, I know I deserve the best, and if I can provide it to myself, then you’re damn right I will!!
Do you consider yourself low maintenance or high maintenance? What part of this blog post resonated with you, and what didn’t? I’d love to hear what your thoughts are on this topic! ✨
